He busted on the scene March 3, 2016. Our world changed again that day. Having another child, and a "typical" one at that, has been wonderfully exhausting. It's taken me awhile to really process it all. I've had so many thoughts, feelings and emotions surrounding it.
His birth was hands down exactly what I needed...planned, predictable, not traumatic, and happy. The one thing that I will cling to, and that makes me tear up typing, was his cry. It was piercing, strong and exactly what I needed to hear. I immediately cried upon hearing him....I cried because I was so happy to hear what every mom longs to hear when their baby is first born, and I cried because it broke my heart all over again, remembering Ellie didn't do this. If I'm honest with myself, this is how it has felt the whole time...up and down. Happy to experience the healing of a typical child, but yet sad to be catapulted back to the fear and worry surrounding our experience with Ellie.
Learning Mac has been a process, and one that only few will truly understand. I've honestly struggled more than I've realized. Anxiety, worry, and fear has crept back in and it's really felt like we're first time parents all over again. The first month was H.A.R.D. I think because we truly leaned on the NICU heavily Ellie's first month of life...we had no choice. But things you take for granted like diaper changes, feedings, sleep have taken on a whole new meaning. We did these things in the NICU as much as we possibly could, but still a large part of this was done for us by nurses and doctors. And let's just marinate for a second on the crying. Oh, our dear, sweet Mac cries, and cries, and cries. Totally different than Ellie...she never did, and yes, I really do mean never. In all honesty Mac may not cry that much, but if you think for a second about what we experienced with Ellie, it's truly a different world.
Mac has helped us heal...
Holy muscle tone, the kids is super strong. Every day a piece of me always thinks, "Oh, so that's what they meant about muscle tone." David and I spend a lot of time saying things like, "Look at that head control! or "Did you see him already bearing weight on his legs?!" Of course, again it makes us super happy for the strength he has, but I can't help but feel a little piece inside of me die...because Ellie struggles with this. Thinking about it though, he is going to challenge her, and she will challenge him and it will be beautiful.
The bond they already have is super incredible. Ellie deeply loves her baby brother. She talks to him, sings to him, loves to rub his cute little nearly bald head, and truly exudes so much pride being a big sister. Mac just grins when she does all this, and I just try to make sure to protect his soft spot (what is it about little hands wanting to go straight for this?!) and make sure she doesn't smother him!!
As each day passes, it gets easier having two. We are settling into our new normal and developing a routine. Mac is a huge blessing to our family, and I just love him so much. I'm so thankful for this little boy and his big strong sister.
I don't like to be off-topic, but I have a problem which I hope you can help me. My problem is when I have Blogger on my computer. (All other areas seem to be fine) Whenever I press the "new post" button it seems to take *forever* to get to to the proper screen. It just says "loading..." at the top. It does eventually get to the proper screen, but this is after 45 minutes or more. Have you had this problem, and what did you do to solve it? My computer is a HP Chromebook 14. Thank you very much.
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