Parties, fireworks, bubbly champagne, midnight, staying up way past your bedtime, friends, family, food, weight loss, resolutions, goals.
Every year for David and me it's a hard time, laced with anxiety and sadness but also happiness and joy. It's so odd feeling all those emotions at once.
To be honest, this year I didn't stay up and watch the ball drop because I didn't want my heart to hurt. I didn't want to be catapulted back five years...
Five years.
It seems so long ago, but yet just like it was yesterday we excitedly drove to the hospital, asked the nurses if the New Year's baby had been born in Spartanburg County yet, put our game faces on and vowed that we would make that happen, somehow made it through the epidural not working on one side, anxiously got ready to push, and then, well...everything changed.
The voices of the medical staff changed, David was ushered out of the room, an emergency C-section quickly occurred, and our precious baby girl entered this world...but there were no baby cries, no confident congratulations, and the scary unknown future took on a whole different meaning that day.
PWS entered our life as we celebrated Ellie's birthday and the world's birthday that 2012. Most days I despise PWS and the cruel syndrome that it is, and for the challenges it puts on our precious baby girl and our family. I'm reminded of it a little bit more on her birthday...
But then I realize that I don't ever think about what Ellie would be like if she didn't have PWS. Do I wish she didn't struggle with its challenges? Yes. Do I hope for treatment soon? Yep. Do I believe there is a cure in Ellie's lifetime? Absolutely. But, I don't ever want to think about what she would be like if she didn't have PWS, because that wouldn't be Ellie. She was and is perfectly created. God knew exactly what He was doing the moment she was conceived, when that tiny deletion of chromosome 15 occurred and it was perfect.
Today she woke up so, so excited for her birthday. David cooked us a big, wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon, and sausage. She helped me make her cake...something I NEVER, EVER would have imagined 5 years ago. We went to the mall to eat lunch and play. And tonight we celebrated her with the cake she was so excited to have. To see her beam with pride wearing her birthday girl ribbon, and as she saw the cake being placed in front of her are moments I will treasure from today. She was so thankful, gracious and appreciative of the special drink and cake she got to have tonight and it just made me want to cry. Something so simple and so often taken for granted, she absolutely loved. Oh, it hits me hard.
So, as she turns 5 today, even though these hard emotions come rushing back...I marvel at her beauty, her accomplishments, and the future. She is so beautiful. She has accomplished so much. And she has the brightest future ahead of her. Happy Birthday, Ellie Belle...we love you so, so much.
